Not Again
by Mr.CheyHoran
Summary: How could something that feels so good be so wrong? Niall was the one guy Cheyden was not supposed to fall for. At first Cheyden didn’t know why. After a rough and messy breakup, he figures out why. He is so done with heartbreak boys. So why do those two words, “Not again,” keep poping up?... Gay love, language, graphic sex. Slow(ish) burn.
1. 1

"Sure Kaylee, you totally meant that as a joke," I say sarcastically to my best friend at work.

"I did, that is unless you want to give him a ride and not the other way around...," she replied with a wink. Her innuendo, completed with a smirk, was clear as day to me.

I lightly punched her arm and rolled my eyes, blushing lightly at the thought. "No! I am done with relationships for a while, you already know that! Whether it's an emotional one or not." I sigh heavily as the boy who broke my heart just 8 days ago came rudely barging into my thoughts. I shook my head, trying to shake the thoughts out. I tried to focus on my job and not on HIM, because my job is more important than that cheater.

Let me tell you, that is definitely easier said than done, especially since I met him here, at this stupid little fast food restaurant. I use to love coming here when I was a kid but now that I work here, I don't like it much anymore. Especially after meeting him here and falling hopelessly for him only to have him shatter my heart.

Who is this once incredible man I keep mentioning? Niall Horan, my ex.

\- - - -

I remember the day I realized that I loved him like it was yesterday. Because I, Cheyden Blake Andrew Johansson, had fallen truly, madly, deeply. I was foolishly, completely in love with none other than...Niall James Horan!

It didn't take much for me to fall for him, not really. He treated me like I was the most important part of his life. Niall made me feel like royalty. At first it was simple, he would look at me like he was surprised that someone like me, breathtakingly gorgeous as he told more than once, could be real and could exist. Leaving my cheeks bright red, as I looked away sheepishly. He would tell me almost daily that I was a masterpiece that was to good for this world to have access to. He said that having me love him back was truly a miracle. Of course I didn't think I was all that great, but the way he made me feel was like no other. I fell for him with no warning and I had no time to prepare for the crashing landing.

It was March 15th, 2021. I was just a clumsy, 20-year-old emotional wreck and he was a perfect 23-year-old who could do no harm in my eyes, at least. At the time I couldn't understand why everyone around me would tell me "He is only bad news, Chey, don't get involved with him." I remember Kaylee once warned me, "Chey, he is only going to hurt you, if you don't believe me just ask his ex Hailee!! Please Chey, please, just don't," She begged me to stay away.

That was when I looked my best friend right in the eyes and decided I needed to tell her the truth. "Kals... I can't promise th—"

"Why can't you, Chey... Do not tell me you like him!! Cheyden Blake Andrew Johansson!!!! You can NOT have feelings for HIM!!"

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled. When I finally got the courage, I looked Kaylee in the eyes again. "I love him, Kals. I truly tried not to fall for him! Because you, my best friend, begged me not to! But somehow, with my shit luck, I fell for him. And it was hard and fast. It happened so fast Kaylee. I am still dizzy form the fall, but it happened! And you can NOT undo falling for someone Kaylee!" I was starting to become worked up. I could tell because I could feel my face heating up, my palms becoming clammy, and my body shaking from anger. Because I was hopelessly in love with the one boy I was SPECIFICALLY told NOT to have ANY feelings for, and what did my best friend do? She just got upset with me.

"IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THIS HAPPENED KAYLEE! YOU CAN NOT CONTROL LOVE, SO STOP ACTING LIKE I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM TO PISS YOU OFF! STOP MAKING THIS AN 'I told you not to, you just HAD to the OPPOSITE of what I tell you' TYPE OF SITUATION! AND STOP TRYING TO FUCKING MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU BECAUSE IT'S NOT, OKAY?" I stop yelling seeing the look of... hurt? betrayal?... flash across her face. I could feel the curious eyes of my manager Levi, on my back, but at that moment I couldn't care less. I was thankful that we are in the back of the store and that we were the only three left that night, otherwise things could have ended up ten times worse. The last thing I needed right than was for my other co-workers or customers hearing me having a breakdown. After that all emotions were gone, both of us feeling so drained. I sighed before continuing, "Trust me Kaylee, when I say, I NEVER wanted to fall for him but, I did!"

Kaylee's face had become one hundred percent expressionless that this point. Which scared the shit out of me! Why was she just staring at me? Why wasn't she saying something? "Kaylee? Say something, you're scaring me with your silence." My voice shaking so bad that my voice cracked causing us both to cringe at the sound.

But that seemed to pull her out of her trance. She look at me, eyes hard, before saying "Okay, I get it. You fell for him, even though I told you not to," I tried to cut her off with a rebuttal, but she just talked over me in a stern voice. "So, just...," she sighed, her shoulders falling and eyes softening in the process. "Just promise me that you will be careful. Please Cheyden that is all I am asking you!"

I saw the tears running down her cheeks, she was crying because she was scared for me, well scared that Niall would hurt me but, all I could do was meekly reply with a "I promise Kaylee!" I said it through my own tears, though I was not sure why I was crying. Was I sacred myself?

Little did I know that I would break that promise. Not because I wanted to, but because Niall broke my heart.


	2. 2

"Whoops, sorry... Es squeeze me," I playfully said to Kaylee as we bumped into each other again. We are at work making custard for the customers, her being on drive and me doing the in-house custard. At this point I am used to bumping into my co-workers while rushing around taking orders, making custard, busing and pre-busing tables, running out orders, going through dinning to make sure things are clean and restocking the condiment area, watching set while the manager is on break or helping in the kitchen.

I hate rushes!

"Umm, no thanks I'd rather not 'squeeze you', that would just be weird!"

"You know what I mean Kals, so stop being annoying," I say back while rolling my eyes.

Kaylee gasps over dramatically before saying "I am not annoying," in a mock offensive tone.

"You're right, you are just a bitch," I pretend sneer at her. I turn my head to look at her expression over my shoulder. I smirk at her "hurt" expression, "Love ya babe!"

"Damn right you do!" She throws back. Causing me to laugh. I look up at the screen to see what the customer wanted again.

"I'll gladly squeeze ya," a thick Irish accent says to me. I turn, while a slight blush creeps up on to my cheeks, to see the person who had said that.

Niall. Of course! He had that shit eating grin on his face. Causing my cheeks to probably turn deep cheery red. I quickly look away.

For whatever reason, I have the strange urge to turn back and say "I know."

So I do just that. I turn, look him dead in the eyes while a coy smile, and using my honey sweet voice (as Kaylee calls it, or my "Come and get me daddy" voice as my annoying brother, Ashton, says) I say "I know. Who wouldn't want to."

"Someone off their rocker," he replies while he laughs.

\- - - -

"Chey..." I hear a breathless voice calling my name as I walked to my car. "...Cheyden, wait up."

I turn as the dyed blonde jogs up to me. God, why is he so cute? It's not fair.

"Yes Neil," I ask with faux innocence. Purposefully calling him by the wrong name just to be a little shit, like always.

He rolls his eyes, with a small smile on his lips.

Those light pink lips. Oh, the sinful things I want them to do to me. Shit! I haven't been laid in months. And my thought process is starting to show it. Ashton says it's because I have kids, but my daughters

are adorable so that's obviously not the case! I blame Ash himself, the annoying twat!

"You want to go to a movie and go get a drink with me on Saturday night?," his heavenly voice pulls me out of my dirty thoughts.

"Sure, sounds fun," I try to act nonchalant about it, shrugging my shoulders and using an indifferent tone. On the inside my stomach did some backflips while my heart rate speed up a little because he is such a cutie!

"Ok, cool pick you up at 7," he say replies. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile playing on his lips.

Wait a shy smile? Him acting awkward? What happened to the cocky Niall Horan that I work with. Who was always slipping innuendoes into our conversations.

I do my best to fight the smile that is threatening to make its debut. "Ok well, see ya around Niall." I turn to get into my car as he walks over to his. I turn to look at him just in time to see do his "happy dance," he is such a dork.

\- - - -

"Hey Chey Bear," Ashton looks up from his phone, "we are smiling like an idiot I see,... so who is he?"

"Wha- really Ash I can't just smile without you thinking some guy has to do with it?" I sneer as I flip off my brother. God he has been such an asshole lately to everyone, and it's annoying. Has Luke not be giving it to him again? I wonder what he did this time for a sweetheart like Luke to do that?

"Well the last time you came home with a smile that big, you had gotten laid by your boy toy," Ashton says.

"He was not my boy toy Ashton... if anything I was his... but can we not talk about that?!"

"Ashy, leave him alone," it was Luke. He walks over to me, with a warm smile and gives me a hug, "How was work Chey?"

"Yeah Ashy, listen to your boyfriend," I snap at my brother before hugging Luke back and answering his question. "It was work but I have a date with a guy on Saturday... I was wondering if you could watch the girls for me."

"Told ya..." Ash mumbles, I glare at him over Luke's shoulder and mouth "bitch" and he mouths "asshole" back.

"Blakey? Is that you?," I see Ash and I's little sister, Justice, walk into the living room. She must have been helping the girls get to sleep, she was very protective of her nieces: HazeLy, BlakeLyn, and EveLyn. I chuckle at her excitement as she squeals, "Yep, it's me, Jay!"

Luke pulls away to look me in the eyes expectantly, "Of course, I think Ash and I can handle watching your kids for a couple hours. But do tell me more... what's his name, where do you know him from, where are you going? Oh, and is he hot?"

"Luke, don't bombard the poor boy with all your questions." Ash says as Justice buries her head into my chest. Jay and I have always been super close. Especially after the girls lost their mom.

"What Ash? I am just curious," Luke says to boyfriend before turning back to me.

I laugh at this. "His name is Niall. I work with him. We are going to a movie then out for a drink on Saturday. And yeah, he is pretty hot." I say, answering all of Luke's questions with a shrug.

"Oooooh, Cheyden gots himself a hot da-," Jay starts to say.

"Wait, wait, wait. Did you say Niall? As in Niall James Horan?" Ash asks cutting her off.

"Ashton, now is not the time for th-" Luke starts to say in a serious tone.

"Yes. That's what I said Ashton." I snap at him. Justice flinches in my arms, gripping my shirt tightly. She hates it when Ash and I fight. I look down to see her face hidden in the crook of my neck so I pull her closer to my chest as if to protect her, before continuing, "Got a problem with it?"

"No he-"

"Yes. I do Cheyden. You are not going with him. Luke stay out of this!"

"Asht-"

"What the fuck, Ashton? Stop acting like you are my mom. I will go with him if I want to. And have some respect for your boyfriend, asshole."

"Cheyd-"

"As far as I am concerned, I am your mom. Your parents didn't want you so mine took you in, once mom died, dad became an alcoholic. So yeah, I raised your ass. You ungrateful bitch." Ashton shot at me. I can feel Jay shaking in my arms at what Ashton said. Her tears soaking my neck and shirt. Damn it Ashton, why must you always be a prick?!, I think to myself. "And from what I have heard, that boy is only trouble. So no, you will not be going with him and that's that."

"Oh. My. God. Ashton Fletcher Irwin. That is no way to talk to your brother!"

I have tears running down my face at this point but I am so mad that I don't give a shit. "No." I say in a cold and hard tone causing both Luke and Justice to flinch, "Luke, he's right, he did raise me."

"But Chey-" Justice starts to talk for the first time since the fight started. She pulled away to look at me, but I didn't make eye contact knowing that I would break apart if looked into her eyes.

I turn back to my brother with a stony gaze, ignoring Luke, and releasing Justice. "But I am a FUCKING ADULT. AND I DO NOT NEED YOU TO RAISE ME ANYMORE. I HAVE THREE OF MY OWN FUCKING KIDS THAT I RAISE WITH NO PARTNER, DO YOU ASH? NO YOU DON'T!" I start yelling, not caring enough to control my anger. What Ashton had said hurt me. Now it was my turn to get him back. "AND YOU SAY I AM THE UNGRATEFUL BITCH, REALLY ASH? WHOSE HOUSE DO YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND LIVE IN? OH THAT'S RIGHT, MINE! WHO HELPED YOUR LAZY ASS GET A JOB? ME! SO DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME UNGRATEFUL YOU FUCKING DICK!" I hear the girls crying in their room. "Great," I sigh loudly, "I am going to go put Haze, Lyn, and Eve back to sleep." With that I turn on my heel and headed to my daughters' rooms. I can hear Justice crying and what sounds like Luke trying to comfort her.

Shit! I hate hurting Jay, but damn it Ashton pushed it too far this time!

I walk into each of the girls' rooms. I see EveLyn, my youngest, sitting up in her bed so I softly tell her to lay down and sit next to her, petting her hair fondly and whisper sweet nothings until she fell back asleep. Once she is asleep I went to HazeLy's room, she was still out cold, so I travelled to my third daughter's room. BlakeLyn, the eldest by 28 minutes, has always been my stubborn one, so getting her back to sleep is a little harder than it is with her two younger sisters. I swear Haze and Eve get their calm and easy personalities from their mom. As I am walking to Lyn's bed she turned to look up at me. I smiled, "Hi, Lyn. Sorry that Papa and Uncle Ashy woke you up honey."

"It's ok Papa," she says with a sleepy smile on her face. She rolls back over as I lay down beside her. Lyn falls asleep again after about 15 minutes of us cuddling.

Once all three girls are back asleep I stay in Lyn's room. I think start thinking about the girls' futures, the stress of them starting middle school, the drama they will face in high school. I pulled thoughts when I hear a soft knock at the door. "Go away Ashton! I am not in the fucking mood to deal with you." I say softly has to make sure not wake Lyn up again.

"Blake, it's me. Please let me in so we can talk." Luke says softly through the door. When he said my "special nickname," as Jay calls it, that's when I start crying softly again.

I sigh and open the door. "Ok let's talk, Blake, you can't keep fighting with Ash like this. Think about Jay and the girls." Luke and I walk into my room, I start getting ready for bed. Having to work a 12 hour shift and then come home and fight with Ashton like that has drained me.

"I'm not the one who started it, Luke, and you know that. Justice is old enough to take care of herself. And I know how to take care of my own kids, so please Luke, just stop." I say sternly to Luke. I push past him and head to my bathroom to brush my teeth.

"I know he started it. But you are not innocent in this either, Blake. Both of you are being assholes and you need to stop. I know Justice is old enough to take care of herself, but when the two of you fight it effects her too, you know that. I have never questioned your abilities to raise your girls, you are an amazing father. All of us, including the girls, know that." Luke says softly. I sigh knowing everything he just said was right.

"I know, Luke, trust me I know."

"Then why do you keep trying to fight me?" Luke and I turn to see Ashton and Justice standing in the doorway.

"Ashy," it's our little sister again, "stop being rude to Blake and making this about yourself!" She turns to me as Ashton huffs in annoyance. "Blakey... can I talk to you?" she asks in voice just above a whisper.

"I am not the only one in this fight, Ashton. It takes two to tango, so just shut up already." I said in a cold voice, I turn my gaze to Justice, "Of course we can talk, love. Come 'ere." I sit on my bed and pat the spot next to me, guilty for hurting her.

"Ok, Rose, what do you want to talk about?" I whisper to my sister once Luke and Ashton leave the room. I can hear them bickering, Luke is probably scolding Ashton- as he should- about the fight. Justice scoots over to me, so I pull her closer. I have such a sweet spot for my sister. Her, Lyn, Haze, and Eve are my world so I guess that is understandable.

"Why do you and Ash always fight?" she asks me quietly as she snuggled up to my side and wraps her arms around me.

"We fight because Ashton and I don't agree on things sometimes," I start, I slip my arms around her small frame pulling her closer, just the way I know she likes to be held, "but that is no excuse. I am sorry for hurting you, Rose. I truly am, I feel guilty every time I fight with Ash because I know it hurts you. Sometimes, though, I can't help but fight back."

Justice nods her head slightly, in understanding. "That makes sense I guess," she says before yawning, "Can I sleep with you tonight, Blakey? I know that if one of the girls wakes up you have go take care of them, but I need to sleep with someone tonight." She says someone, but I know she means me.

I kiss the top of her head before muttering "Yeah, let's sleep now" into her hair. After we get under the covers she places her head on my chest and almost instantly falls asleep. I watch her expression soften as she falls deeper into sleep. I realize her tear stained checks and the puffiness around her eyes.

I can't keep putting her and the girls through this shit. It's gotta stop. I fall asleep promising to try and not fight with Ashton so much for the sake of the most important girls in my life, my little sister and my three daughters.


End file.
